“We’re all looking to the west for answers, searching for ourselves so far away, when it is all here, in this land, and in your own being“ – said Dragos and I felt at once that I arrived home.
I think I’ve never truly been home since the sweet naivety of childhood faded into oblivion to give way to the biggest quantity of bullshit possible to pour on a human’s mind. It was the time of the big race for the latest model of Mercedez Benz and BMW and shiny pointy tasteless shoes. In this race, one half took the long way through Russia and Italy while the other half robbed the first half. All we ever believed in – power of the state, science, medicine, religion – became utterly corrupt, dirty and
repulsive. It was a time when you knew for a fact that learning was stupid and fucking someone over was smart. Because your parents told you so. The guy to the left is Denis Puzdrea, to which the thought took me immediately. He is the incarnation of this philosophy. When I think of this, he pops in my mind as the perfect example. And he used to wear the shiniest, pointiest shoes. He’s a nice guy otherwise. Disclaimer: I think he’s amazing, please don’t come at my door with a knife.
The amazing part was that this state of affairs was accepted as the new norm so quickly, washing away the communist principles with such speed, that the previous era remained just a melancholic thought from one day to another. The same happened one episode earlier, when the Russians (later communists) first came wiping out centuries of Moldovian-Romanian culture, traditions, folk wisdom, and pride.
The matter of pride is what resonated so much in me from Dragos’ words. It might have been the first time that I saw a genuinely proud Moldovan. And he had compelling reasons
to be so: we are a people who have been here since pre-historic times 40,000 years ago, mixing and mingling between tribes, conquering and being conquered for millennia, and still holding our ground. Our ancestors must have a pretty interesting story to tell. Dragos thinks that all that life before us left a mark on this land and remained in the energy of the place. In fact, he says, it is in our DNA and it will always define us, however far away we go and however little we have to do with this place.
Now this is where I disagreed. I’ve been away for 4 years and never once did I feel that I miss home. Sometimes I missed the people, sometimes the food, but never the place, meaning the aggregate of all that is in our little country. In contrast with the places I’d been to, Moldova seemed like such a shit hole, an unimportant piece of land nobody cares about, that could disappear tomorrow and this would go unnoticed by anyone in the world, even by its long lost brothers, the Romanians. I can imagine Remi Lardilleux, this French guy I once knew who recognized all the flags in the world to an astonishing detail, going like “hmmm… something’s missing” on the future world map and not realizing what it was. And he is a smart guy, he went to SciencePo. More than that, I despised Moldovans and Moldovans despised me because Moldovans despise each other.
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